so it all started with ex-boyfriend J. he went off to college and we still managed to keep in contact and be pretty close friends despite the fact that we established that we werent in a relationship anymore. that was all good and fine even though i missed him terribly. but i talked to him on wednesday and he was all like "oh well our friendship doesnt really mean much to me because you know, we dont get along and we argue a lot" and i was kinda like wtf? and he doesnt think that im a good friend because of what happened with E. now J doesnt want me to have anything with E because he thinks that E is creepy and weird. but thats it with J. im just really pissed off because he think that im not worth much. so i was like wtf were the 6+ months we were going out mean then? and hes like "well i cared then.. but i probably wouldnt put up with anything now" so he thinks i would be a bad friend because of the way i handled E's situation.

and now heres E's story. weve been friends for 5+ years and its always been a kinda on and off relationship going. never really together but still flirting and i miss you, i wish you were here and blah blah blah. which was all good and fine because nothing ever happened. when we were both single E and i hooked up once or twice but that wasnt a big deal we were still good friends and everything. after me and J broke up i was pretty messed up and E was like hey ill take you out and well have a good time. so i was like sure. and we went out and stuff happened. but it was whatever because we were both ok with it. but then a few weeks later (this monday) some girl calls me and shes like "hey uhmm i want to know whats going on with you and E because im his girlfriend.." and i was like whoaa.. shit. because he didnt tell me. he was like "yea shes just a friend who live across the country" and i was like oh ok sure. but apparently theyve been going out for nine months and he lied to me about her. so thats all good and great. and since she was his girlfriend i felt like i owed it to her to answer her questions. and because he was a dick and pissed me off by lying and using me. so much for good friends right? so that was drama for a week. and he got all pissed at me because i told her stuff and she got all pissed at him. but now theyre still together and im still his friend. totally unncessary.

now theres S i dont even know what happened with this kid. all he wants is sex. thats all i have. its flattering to an extent yet very creepy at the same time. even though hes all like "I DONT NORMALLY DO THIS." which is true. i know. but ehh.. he says im a potential girlfriend. but i dont know if id want something like that with him. so whatever.

and finally C and P. C and P hate each other. C is my best friend. hes always there to listen and hes an awesome person. we have no romantic thing going at all because were like each others confidants and whatnot. P only started gettting close during the time i was sorting things out with E and getting over J. P is an asshole to C for as far as i can see, no good reason. but im like whatever. because its their relationship and if they hate each other its none of my business. but now me and P and kinda but not really together. its an exclusive non-relationship. which is what i had with E until his girlfriend decided to call me. (now i know why it was not a relationship) so me and P hooked up. which was fine because we enjoyed time together and blah blah blah. but then C decided to tell me that if i had anything with P he would stop being my friend. i was like wtf? and C says that P is just using me and he doesnt really like me. and i was like ok well thats all good and fine but youre saying that if that is the case youre still going to stop being friends with me even when i need you? so thats pretty much it. and that makes me angry because im like what kind of friend is that? as long as my relationships dont affect the friendship i have with you then its not your place to say that you wont be friends with me just because you dont like who im dating. oh same with J and E. E doesnt even know J but J just thinks that E wants in my pants and so he was like if you do anything with E im not going to be friends with you anymore. likewise C thinks P just wants in my pants and wont be friends with me if i do anything with P. wtf is up with these boys? is there no maturity here?

and lastly B. we had a bit of drama last year but theres nothing too wrong with us. were friends but he seems to think that i always want him. which is not the case. and he always wants something. which is rather annoying. but he thinks im annoying sometimes. at least hes easy to deal with. 

you know, i used to think that i thrived on drama. i was always in something or other. but nothing this big. and nothing that seems to be making me lose my best friends. i hate my life right now. not only is all this going on, i also have to finish college applications. yay.